i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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