Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
