yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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