i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
