just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
