Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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