You made me cry and you don't even care
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
