Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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