u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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