how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
