He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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