The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He called his prostate his "boner button".
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
