last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
