youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
