so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
