she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
4 words: hood of his car
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I love having hate sex.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
