____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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