She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I love having hate sex.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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