the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
