i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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