maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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