Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
But break dance skills will only take you so far
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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