Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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