In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
