Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
