Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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