At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
