Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
