3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
