So gin and wine won't be happening again
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
