I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
