somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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