I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
