my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
