I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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