i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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