guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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