Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
So much rum. So many feels.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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