your parents love me but you hate me
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I think I sprained my soul last night
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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