ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
