is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
