do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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