got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
