Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
