I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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