im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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