dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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