no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
