Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
