Don't you send me to vm
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
