Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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