Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
