Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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