you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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